Not much makes me crack up laughing at 7:00 a.m. but I was dying after this conversation with my mother this morning.

Me:I went shopping at the Goodwill yesterday and got new pants b/c none of mine fit anymore.

Mom: Oh yeah? I need some new clothes but I don't need to spend the money because we don't have extra but that doesn't keep your father from playing golf and blah, blah, blah (I tuned her out...she tends to ramble and doesn't breathe when she talks)

Me:(interrupting her stream of consciousness) SO...all of the clothes I bought were a size 8!

Mom: BITCH!

Me:(Laughing) I know, right?

Mom: How the HELL do you wear a size 8??? I WEAR A SIZE 8!!!

Me: P90x

Mom: I know you're working really hard and I am so proud of you...I was just bragging on you to your Aunt the other day.

Me:Thank you...it's killing me but it's worth it.

(Insert warm fuzzy, prideful feeling here)

Mom: Um, you're not on drugs are you? I mean, I know you're working out, but you're not also on speed or anything?

Me: No mom, not on drugs. I just eat healthy and work out A LOT.

Mom: Whew. Okay...just wanted to make sure.

I should have known the warm fuzzy was too good to be true.

Welcome Back Old Friend

Due to several different circumstances, alcohol and I have been on the outs for well over a year.

That is a long ass time, people.

I am happy to report that our long-lost relationship is on the mend again. We kicked it off with a week-long reunion that was ridiculous. Insane. Fantastic. Amazing. Really, really amazing.

I think you get the picture.

We bonded even more over the holidays...

...At a couple of Christmas parties which resulted in some very interesting new friendships.

...In front of the fireplace while wrapping all of the presents in one night.

...While spending time around family, who, might I add, are much more tolerable when you add a healthy splash of vodka to your orange juice.

Or it might have been a splash of orange juice to my vodka.

Whatever.

Either way, it was a lot more fun than I was anticipating.

I digress...

We are finally kindred spirits again. And it feels so good. I have even started spreading the love. I realized this when I sent my husband to the grocery store that is across the street and he called 30 minutes later and asked what I needed from the package store (that is NOT across the street). I jumped up and down and did a happy dance calmly told him what I needed like the mature adult that I am. After we hung up, it dawned on me that this was the first time he made a trip without me having to send him.

I am so proud.

So today, I would like to say to Crown, Patron, Bombay, Absolut, and the many, many others...

Welcome back friends, welcome back.