Mai Tai Mama

Solitude

2011-01-11T12:36:00.000-05:00

Solitude is a funny thing. Without it I get antsy and pissy, but given too much I start to get a little delusional. The voices in my head get louder and start whispering the most bizarre things.

It has been 4 days since I last saw another person.

Almost 100 hours.

I am climbing the walls.

The first two days were exactly what I needed, time to rest and recharge my batteries. And then it started snowing. And snowing. And snowing. You get the idea.

The last two days I have been cooped up without being able to get out and go anywhere. The roads are treacherous at best and only worth driving if absolutely necessary. While my sanity is important, most would agree that it isn't worthy of declaring a state of emergency. Usually the snow helps, but not even the sight of freshly fallen snow was enough to compensate.

Instead, the snow was just a reminder of other "snow" days in my life. The memories of those, both lovely and excruciatingly painful, haunt me in a way that little else does.

I hope with every fiber of my being that the roads are clear enough to drive tomorrow.

Because the silence is deafening.

Post-it Note Tuesday: Happy New Year

2011-01-04T08:37:00.000-05:00

Speechless

2010-09-27T08:03:00.000-04:00

It's not often that I have problems coming up with words to say.

I mean, I am quite the talker. Happy? Can't wait to tell you all about it! Angry? I could bitch all day. Sad? I will cry all over you and tell you why I'm broken-hearted. The worst is when I'm nervous. Sweet Jesus, I can babble when I'm nervous.

And yet, I can not even find the words to explain this place that I've found myself in. People ask how I am and I lie. A lot. Because I don't know how to say that I'm in the darkest place I've ever been. I'm terrified to say that I am walking through a dark tunnel and I can't see the light at the end. Terrified that there is no light at the end. I am disoriented and praying, begging that the direction in which I am walking is towards the light. Because I can not bear the thought of turning around. The only thing more unthinkable than staying in this darkness is going backwards.

I wish I could cry about it (another thing I usually excel at. Really. I should have a gold medal). If I could just have a really good cry and purge some of this sadness it wouldn't be rising up, threatening to choke the life out of me. But even the tears won't come and offer their blessed release.

The worst, the most awful part of this season is the loneliness. I have never felt so blackly, emptily alone while surrounded by a great life and all kinds of good things and people. I have really good people. The best people. Opening up their arms and hearts with a kind of love that humbles me daily.

And still, I am here.

Alone.

So very, very alone.

Way back in the tiniest part of my brain, I know that this will pass. It can't be like this forever. One day everything will go back to being okay. I just really, really hope that day comes soon.

If ever you have had a friend

2010-09-08T15:36:00.000-04:00

I read this awhile back and it stuck with me. A simple reminder that we never really know what is underneath te surface.

If ever you have had a friend...

a good one, a real one.

someone who has given you something that no

one else ever exactly has...

then be slow to give up on them, find it in your

heart to see them with patience.

if they are quiet, seem to be acting differently

than you've come to expect or maybe not giving

at the level you are used to, perhaps they are in

hibernation, playing dead in an attempt to

survive a pain or a difficulty stronger than they

know how to handle gracefully.

be slow to believe the worst; assumption is a

ruinous and untrustworthy advisor.

the surface of something is most always the

smallest percentage of it. look at how much of

what is vital about you exists beneath your skin.

things are rarely as they appear, and when you

judge something before it's time, you separate

yourself from much worth experiencing - like

biting into and spiting out a sour apple, weeks

before it is ripe.

the butcher's knife of condemnation is good for

little but making bloody messes.

sometimes people need room to grow. what

benefit is it to you to hold other people to your

measurements? perhaps they travel in a

different direction than you have been, are

dealing with a terrain that has different

challenges than your own, and at a different

speed. there is no way for you to know for sure.

even if an assumption is popular, it doesn't

make it true. a thousand people, staring at the

surface will see no deeper than one, and lend

no more credence. watch for the tendency for

your fears to give such shallow perception non-

existent weight.

in this world of flux and flex, an open heart and

a ready shoulder are often the best gift you can

give to a friend who's going through a rough

time, and, those being offered, a peaceful space

-so they can find their way through their mazes

at their own pace.

good friends are worth the wait.

2010-06-08T08:22:00.000-04:00

Not much makes me crack up laughing at 7:00 a.m. but I was dying after this conversation with my mother this morning.

Me:I went shopping at the Goodwill yesterday and got new pants b/c none of mine fit anymore.

Mom: Oh yeah? I need some new clothes but I don't need to spend the money because we don't have extra but that doesn't keep your father from playing golf and blah, blah, blah (I tuned her out...she tends to ramble and doesn't breathe when she talks)

Me:(interrupting her stream of consciousness) SO...all of the clothes I bought were a size 8!

Mom: BITCH!

Me:(Laughing) I know, right?

Mom: How the HELL do you wear a size 8??? I WEAR A SIZE 8!!!

Me: P90x

Mom: I know you're working really hard and I am so proud of you...I was just bragging on you to your Aunt the other day.

Me:Thank you...it's killing me but it's worth it.

(Insert warm fuzzy, prideful feeling here)

Mom: Um, you're not on drugs are you? I mean, I know you're working out, but you're not also on speed or anything?

Me: No mom, not on drugs. I just eat healthy and work out A LOT.

Mom: Whew. Okay...just wanted to make sure.

I should have known the warm fuzzy was too good to be true.

Disney's Desperate Housewives

2010-03-25T08:37:00.001-04:00

Post-it Note Tuesday: Feeling scandalous

2010-03-23T07:22:00.000-04:00

Once again I'm joining Supahmommy for another week of Post-it Note Tuesday. Post your own and then go link up!

Post-it Note Tuesday: Chicago Style

2010-03-16T07:58:00.000-04:00

Instead of writing a big long post about my weekend in Chicago, I thought I'd sum it up on post-its!

Trolls, Leprechauns, and Other mystical creatures

2010-03-12T07:58:00.000-05:00

A good friend of mine is a nurse at the hospital. She has a 20 year old son, who is challenged. A couple of days ago, she was in the middle of a 12 hour shift when he called her.

"Mama! Mama! I caught a troll! I did! I saw him, and I caught him, and I got a troll."

Troll? What on earth is he talking about? "Okay baby, you got a troll. I have to work now. Love you!" And hangs up.

A couple hours later he calls back.

"Mama! I got my troll!"

She has patients and is running around and super busy. "Yay! Okay baby, you have fun! Mommy has to go to work now."

The calls continue here and there for the remainder of her shift. She was so busy and while a little confused, thought nothing of it.

She finally got off work and returned home to her son. She wasn't in the house 5 minutes when she heard a knocking coming from down the hall. She looked at her son curiously, who repeated for the billionth time,

"I got a troll!"

Panicked now, she runs down the hallway to find the knocking coming from a closet that had been barracaded shut. She opened the door slowly and peered around the edge.

There stood the meter maid.

Who happens to be a little person.

Mortified, she realized that the poor man had been locked in her closet all day long. And while understanding, was NOT happy about it.

**After I stopped laughing and changed into clean underwear from having peed my pants, all I could think was, that I would love to be a fly on the wall when he tells his boss why he only read one meter that day.**

Happy Friday!

Laundry Day

2010-03-10T10:11:00.000-05:00

Oh, how I loathe laundry. It is a never-ending headache that no amount of lavender Downey will soothe. I generally prefer to put it off until it is absolutely necessary because every stitch of clothing I own is in the basket. I would happily go without, but I work in a hospital and they tend to get pissy if people show up naked. Sheesh.

I have gone through all of my normal undergarments. Then my back-ups. I have now officially moved on to the absolute last resorts. So this morning, under my hot boots and cute outfit, is a magenta bra, unmatching socks, and bright green underwear that read, "I only ride the BIG waves", across the ass (don't judge me, they were a gift).

And this morning as I was driving in, all I could think was, "please GOD don't let me get in an accident."

Because having to explain that to my co-workers makes me want to throw up a little.

Okay, a lot.

Post It Note Tuesday: Random Rants

2010-03-09T05:00:00.002-05:00

Just call me Pima

2010-02-26T15:08:00.000-05:00

I am the queen of nicknames.

Alice, Webster, Betty, Miss Piggy, Sandgnat, and the list goes on and on. One of my personal favorites:

Snowflake.

Aww...how sweet. Nope, my husband came up with it because he could call me a 'flake' in front of people without getting in trouble. Yup, that's my other half. Don't you just want to steal him away???

I thought after that we couldn't get much lower. Oh, was I wrong. So, so wrong.

He called my office and used pain-in-my-ass as a middle name when asking for me.

As in Demi-pain-in-my-ass-Moore. Not that I look anything like Demi Moore, just using her as an example. Though I *would* love to have her body.

I digress...

One of the girls (who had way too much time on her hands) was doodling and noticed that the letters spelled PIMA (pee-ma). And the rest was history.

So, from now don't bother with my real name. Just call me Pima.

Catchy, don't ya think?

Post It Note Tuesday: SIGH...

2010-02-23T17:26:00.001-05:00

Nothing like a 4 year old to tell it like it is

2010-01-31T19:46:00.000-05:00

I got my ass kicked by J's 4 year old son on Friday night.

On the wii.

Playing bowling.

I was ~~finally out of last place~~ just starting to get into a groove when he looked and me and said "you're a LOSER!" while making the 'L' on his forehead.

Ouch.

Since he clearly won that round of verbal sparring, I did the next best thing.

I tickled him until he cried 'uncle'.

Because that's they way I roll.

Post-It Note Tuesday: In The Beginning

2010-01-19T07:46:00.000-05:00

Any excuse for a party

2010-01-14T08:31:00.000-05:00

I have these friends.

They like to have impromptu parties. For no reason.

I love them.

Last night we all ended up at J's house for one reason or another and 30 minutes later we were starting to get a little crazy. We are not a quiet bunch to start with and when the Grey Goose started flowing we got loud. Nothing like a group of slightly intoxicated friends all trying to yell over each other so they can be heard.

Because waiting until the other person is done talking is just not an option.

After a few hours of chatting and laughing so hard we were wetting our pants, we broke the party up so we could all go home and take care of our families. Or sit up and watch American Idol on the DVR. Not that I would neglect my husband that way or anything. Before we left, we did manage to get our next girls night planned for January 23.

Because the date will be 1-2-3.

And we will use any excuse to throw a party.

Welcome Back Old Friend

2010-01-04T20:39:00.000-05:00

Due to several different circumstances, alcohol and I have been on the outs for well over a year.

That is a long ass time, people.

I am happy to report that our long-lost relationship is on the mend again. We kicked it off with a week-long reunion that was ridiculous. Insane. Fantastic. Amazing. Really, really amazing.

I think you get the picture.

We bonded even more over the holidays...

...At a couple of Christmas parties which resulted in some very interesting new friendships.

...In front of the fireplace while wrapping all of the presents in one night.

...While spending time around family, who, might I add, are much more tolerable when you add a healthy splash of vodka to your orange juice.

Or it might have been a splash of orange juice to my vodka.

Whatever.

Either way, it was a lot more fun than I was anticipating.

I digress...

We are finally kindred spirits again. And it feels so good. I have even started spreading the love. I realized this when I sent my husband to the grocery store that is across the street and he called 30 minutes later and asked what I needed from the package store (that is NOT across the street). I jumped up and down and did a happy dance calmly told him what I needed like the mature adult that I am. After we hung up, it dawned on me that this was the first time he made a trip without me having to send him.

I am so proud.

So today, I would like to say to Crown, Patron, Bombay, Absolut, and the many, many others...

Welcome back friends, welcome back.

New Year, New Me

2010-01-02T15:23:00.000-05:00

I am here to say good ridance to 2009! While it did bring wonderful things (the birth of my first child), it also brought unemployment, depression, sorrow, death, and a whole host of unpleasantness that I am glad to shed.

It left me in one hell of a funk.

And I'm over it.

This is the year that I will start to really live my life. To say yes instead of no. To do things just because they sounds like fun. To become the person that I have always wanted to be instead of just wishing that I was someone else.

To help kick off my 'New Year, New Me' campaign, I have joined the mominatrix and her 31 day Sexual Resolution Challenge.

Because it sounds like fun. And who wouldn't love to feel a little sexier?