Not much makes me crack up laughing at 7:00 a.m. but I was dying after this conversation with my mother this morning.

Me:I went shopping at the Goodwill yesterday and got new pants b/c none of mine fit anymore.

Mom: Oh yeah? I need some new clothes but I don't need to spend the money because we don't have extra but that doesn't keep your father from playing golf and blah, blah, blah (I tuned her out...she tends to ramble and doesn't breathe when she talks)

Me:(interrupting her stream of consciousness) SO...all of the clothes I bought were a size 8!

Mom: BITCH!

Me:(Laughing) I know, right?

Mom: How the HELL do you wear a size 8??? I WEAR A SIZE 8!!!

Me: P90x

Mom: I know you're working really hard and I am so proud of you...I was just bragging on you to your Aunt the other day.

Me:Thank you...it's killing me but it's worth it.

(Insert warm fuzzy, prideful feeling here)

Mom: Um, you're not on drugs are you? I mean, I know you're working out, but you're not also on speed or anything?

Me: No mom, not on drugs. I just eat healthy and work out A LOT.

Mom: Whew. Okay...just wanted to make sure.

I should have known the warm fuzzy was too good to be true.